On Wednesday, James and I were being driven to our refinancing by the mortgage guy. We were making conversation, and he mentioned that his wife would probably be getting a big promotion. "That's cool." We said. Then he mentioned the amount of money she'd be getting. My eyes almost popped out of my head. Think big. I figured that she must be getting paid a lot already, to be in the running for such a promotion. Of course, this started me thinking. What would it be like if I brought in that kind of money? Imagine the feeling of pride she must have contributing to the family like that! And their retirement! Their kid's college and weddings, missions...all that stuff...her hard work would make possible. I was impressed. I still am. I started feeling inadequate. I know. Only a woman would do this...but I started feeling like I was such a drain on the family finances! I mean, I bring in nothing! James makes it, I spend it. Little that we do, as mothers, can be measured. Even at the end of our career when we (hopefully) have good people to show for all our efforts, I imagine we won't even be sure if anything we did even made a difference, or if the kid would have turned out fine under any circumstance. We just can never know. And then the fact that nothing I do can bring in money, or even be measured, started to get under my skin. 'Cause I work hard!
Then I remembered something that James's grandpa Nelson told me once, when I was over at my mother in law's house years ago, folding laundry and complaining with my sister-in-law that it felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything in my life. Grandpa Nelson told us not to worry about it. "You two moms accomplish more just sitting in a chair doing nothing than I'll accomplish in a whole lifetime...because you're moms!"
What he said has come back to my memory many times, and I'm glad it did this time. How do you pay for your child's favorite home cooked meal on a hard day? How can you measure the security and comfort it gives your kids when you cuddle them for a story, or listen with sympathy, or do that one funny thing that can always get them to laugh, that no one else can do? How can you count the value of a fantastic relationship with your grown children? You can't. When Kate catches sight of me out of the corner of her eye and comes crawling as fast as she can toward me with her tongue hanging out, breathing heavy...I know I'm the most important person in the world. I'll just have to wait a little longer for my salary.
6 comments:
I've felt the same way--I do nothing but spend all the money Andrew earns! You will hear people say that the mother's contribution is more than financial, but there is a certain satisfaction that comes from bringing in an income. I am considering trying my hand at a small business endeavor for that reason and for my own desire to do something non-mom-ish.
However, even though it might seem your daily efforts don't have any possitive effect on the number on your bank statement, the role you play is definitely has a bearing on your financial success. Talk to a life insurance agent. When Andrew and I were first married, only he had any life insurance. But I remember Andrew's father (who sold life insurance) explaining to us the financial difficulties that would arise if I were to suddenly pass away. Daycare costs alone would be ridiculously high, but think also of how much it would cost to pay someone to do everything that you do--laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, tutoring, entertaining, not to mention full-time nannying.
Every once in a while you'll hear on a news program that some analyst has figured out how much it would actually cost to have someone doing that job, and I think one estimate I heard was something like $167,000 annually! So just think how much you are actually saving your husband! Tell him that the next time he starts complaining about how you can never stick to the grocery budget. Oh, wait, that's my problem.
Oh Kristy, I love you so much. Your thoughts are some of my very favorite (and the fabulous pictures that you find to go with the posts). From what I hear, you get loads of appreciation from your missionary. Suddenly, they are away from you, and they have this epiphany of how much you actually did for them. It's a long time to wait, but I'm told that there are lots of tears involved. For me, the overwhelming appreciation happened when I had my first baby, and I realized that another person loved me that intensely and took care of me when I was incapable. I've never thought of my mother and her YEARS of unselfish service in the same way since.
I have to keep reminding myself that this "Stay-At-Home-Mom" Thing was a very conscious decision on the part of myself and my husband. You are exactly right - You really can't put a price on being there for those small, daily, significant moments when your children desperately need you. Thanks for your thoughts!
I share some of those worries. But I know how fast this times goes by and how much work there is to do to raise these kids the best we can. I know there will be plenty of time for myself and any other aspirations I may harbor. I know this is where I am supposed to be and I am happy being here.
How's school going?
Amen lil' sister!
Powerful post Kristy! So so so true!
I love you real thoughts that you always post! I am great at spending the money too and know that I could probably be outstanding if I took a job! But the fact is, you and I are doing a great job and your role is divine! Keep up the good work and do your best!
Post a Comment