I'm an introvert. I have moods when I'm extroverted, but my default social self is contemplative and quiet. It takes me a good while until I feel close enough to a neighbor to just pop over and hang out without planning all out first. It takes time for me to open up to other people. It's a slow pace, and a long spell until I feel like I fit in. So moving was hard. I've felt sad about leaving the wonderful people that it has taken me so long to get to know. In the course of goodbyes, our neighbor Melanie came over for a chat. She's great. She grew up on a ranch in Wyoming, loves to have my kids over for cookies and conversation, AND, she's married to a man from Egypt. I never knew that until we were saying goodbye! Ibrahim grew up on the Nile River! The Nile River was one of my kids favorite things that we've ever studied and we were living right next door to a man who grew up in the ebb and flow of that mighty river. He remembers it before they built the dam that stopped the yearly flooding. What an opportunity lost! If I hadn't taken so long to open my heart to the people around me, we could have pumped Ibrahim for pictures, stories, and descriptions of the Nile. We could have invited him over to help us build a model of it.
I have this fear that I'm bugging people if I (or my kids) go over to other people's houses without calling first. I'm afraid of interrupting people and their daily business. I never want people to be sitting there thinking "Boy, I wish they would go home so I could finish (fill in the blank)." Also, I'm rarely the inviter, I'm mostly the invitee. I wait for people to call me to do something, instead of putting something together and inviting others. This is not because I don't want to spend time with people, it's because in the back of my mind, this little voice is ALWAYS saying things like; "maybe they don't want to be friends with you...better hang back and let them invite you, that way, you'll know that they want to hang out with you, and they're not just being nice."
But, I've decided to try to open my heart earlier in the game in this neighborhood. To try to seek out friendship, and not just let it tumble into my lap, like a wished for but unearned shooting star.
Friendships are such a gift in life. What are we all here for, if not to support each other through rough patches in our roads, to make each other laugh when we need it, and to rejoice with each other when human victories grace our lives? Life truly is too short to stand back, and hope that someone will notice us and want to be our friend. So, I'm performing my own surgery. It will probably be uncomfortable, but the reward of a richer life is the promise. I must try to BE a better friend, and then, my heart will be open, and I will be blessed.
I have this fear that I'm bugging people if I (or my kids) go over to other people's houses without calling first. I'm afraid of interrupting people and their daily business. I never want people to be sitting there thinking "Boy, I wish they would go home so I could finish (fill in the blank)." Also, I'm rarely the inviter, I'm mostly the invitee. I wait for people to call me to do something, instead of putting something together and inviting others. This is not because I don't want to spend time with people, it's because in the back of my mind, this little voice is ALWAYS saying things like; "maybe they don't want to be friends with you...better hang back and let them invite you, that way, you'll know that they want to hang out with you, and they're not just being nice."
But, I've decided to try to open my heart earlier in the game in this neighborhood. To try to seek out friendship, and not just let it tumble into my lap, like a wished for but unearned shooting star.
Friendships are such a gift in life. What are we all here for, if not to support each other through rough patches in our roads, to make each other laugh when we need it, and to rejoice with each other when human victories grace our lives? Life truly is too short to stand back, and hope that someone will notice us and want to be our friend. So, I'm performing my own surgery. It will probably be uncomfortable, but the reward of a richer life is the promise. I must try to BE a better friend, and then, my heart will be open, and I will be blessed.
7 comments:
Oh Kristy, I think we are a lot alike. I put on a good show for people, but I feel the same way about "butting" into someone's life. I have the hardest time asking people to babysit for us (even teenage girls that we are paying) because I feel like they don't really want to be with my kids. I have the hardest time asking people to go out with us because I just assume that they are doing it to "be nice." So, good for you for being more brave. Good luck on opening your heart and feeling more comfortable in your new neighborhood. Honestly, that is probably the main reason we have been in our home for 8 years because I just don't want to start over. It's too hard.
p.s. We need to get together again.
Ah...it's always so hard to move! I didn't know you were moving! Where did you go?
When I first moved here to Utah I hated it. I was used to wards in AZ where when a new family moved in, we smothered them, all so exctied to have someone else in the 15 mile radius that was LDS. Then I moved here...after 3 months of going to church every week, someone asked if I was new. I was devastated. It's always been easy for me to make friends. But this was harder. So, I decided that my goal was to meet at least 2 new people every week. It worked very well...but I always give myself a good 6 months to feel comfortable in a new ward (I've had 5 different wards since we've been married).
I think you will love opening yourself up! It will bring you wonderful friends! You are so FAB, who wouldn't want to be friends with you...I mean COME ON already!! :)
I sooo know how you feel. I've lived in my house for eight years, I know most of my neighbors fairly well, and yet even now, when several of them are out chatting on the sidewalk on a pleasant afternoon, I have a hard time just going up and joining the conversation without feeling like a fifth wheel. In some ways, it's good to be married to an extrovert like Andrew, because he often makes up for my shyness, and in other ways, it's a lot worse, because he'll just take off and work the room while I huddle in a corner with my punch and cookies.
I think it's probably good to remember that most people tend to be shy in new situations. The best thing that helps me is assuming that other people are as shy as I am, and to take the responsibility on myself to break the ice. I still feel awkward, but it's better than sitting in a corner by myself.
I fear moving for this very reason, and I know it'll probably happen in the next year. I have a really hard time opening up to people as well, although blogging has sure helped. :) I bare my soul to a certain extent there, and it has made it a teeny tiny bit easier to do so in person. I do regret not opening up more to a few specific people before we moved the last time. So good for you! I like the title of this post.
Oh, and I also have an extrovert husband as well which yes, can be good or bad depending.
You are such a wonderful friend! Moving is hard, but I love a fresh new start. I am glad that you are venturing out even if it is uncomfortable. Risks are good to take, you never know what blessings are there if we don't risk. I need to be better at that. I miss hanging out with you and I miss your kids. You are the best!
Oh I know the feeling- You can do it! I live in my own little box, and feel like I am running my own little corporation/nation called family. Last year I decided to reconnect with old friends and make some new (that is so not me), it was the best choice I made, because in the process I realized how much I was truly loved! Best of luck!
where are you...I never hear from you anymore...misss youuuuuu.
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