Haunted

My sixteen year old self went to the cabin one year. The world was wide open, and the answer to every question she ever asked was "Yes!" She was fearless, bold, and believed in her beauty. She knew that undiscovered miracles lay around every corner. She went on a walk after it rained with the son of her parent's friends. He was good looking enough, played basketball, and liked her. Romance reigned supreme at sixteen, though, and she knew that a kiss was waiting just around the next tree. Hands were held as the mist wandered through the mountains, but no kiss was ever given. I bump into the ghost of my sixteen year old self every year at the cabin. She's still looking for that kiss.

I'm also haunted by the fact that I know I need to be treasuring every moment I have with my young children. You know that article by Erma Bombeck about how the footed pajama feet had been replaced with high fashioned boots at Christmastime and she longs for those precious times? (If you don't just Google it). I cry EVERY SINGLE TIME I think about that article, and about how I will miss my small ones. It's like I'm haunted by my future empty-nester self. She'll tell me that I didn't enjoy them enough. That I should have read more stories, played more games. She's chiding me to stop and smell the roses. There's an army of these older women out there, marching like the soldiers they are to the beat of "They grow UP so fast, they grow UP so fast, they grow UP so fast...
Yet. At the end of every day I have an unbelievable headache and an urge to seek out alcoholic beverages. A day can be a thousand years long to a mother of young ones. How to reconcile the desire to fully enjoy the littles, when at times it's insanely difficult...?

My trip to the cabin seems to come at just the right time every year, when I'm in the middle of my summer funk. You've heard of winter time depression? Well, I always seem to go into a summer time tizzy of sorts. Wondering what it's all about, trying to muster the energy to do what I'm supposed to do, and basically just putting one foot in front of the other. Once I come back from the cabin, fall is just around the corner and everything is fine again. Strange.

The picture above is of the Bitterroot Mountains in northern Idaho. Aren't they beautiful? I can't wait to get back there, pick huckleberries, read about how to be a better mother, become amazed at how beautiful and loving my kids are, and, oh yes, bump into that sixteen year old girl that haunts the place. We leave in a week!

Roses and Rutabagas

When in the garden while you're tending to a vegetable plant- watering it, inspecting its leaves for pests, making sure it's getting enough sun, and anticipating the day when you can bite into those vitamins-have you ever been irritated that the plant you are so carefully nurturing doesn't give more beauty to the world? Have you ever insisted that it become a rose and so missed the nourishment of the vegetable?

If it were your job to take care of a rose bush-to trim it, fertilize it, and make it productive-would you become impatient with its bold red blossoms and wish that they were serviceable, usable vegetables instead? Would you decide that the rose bush is useless, silly, and should become more practical? Would you try to force your flower into being a vegetable, and miss its beauty?

When starting the garden of your family, it's just the two of you together, with a plot of land, a couple of second hand garden tools, and a garden manual. You dream of a garden full of roses-wild and bright-eventually blooming large and decorating the world with their colors and fragrance. And then, your plants come up and instead of roses, you get rutabagas. Or, you get a daisy. Or up comes a rose, a rutabaga, and a mango! You didn't even know mangos grew in your area! No one in your family has ever even had a mango! How do you even take care of a mango? Do rutabagas even have a purpose? "This rutabaga got planted in the wrong garden!" You wonder why in the world you got a field full of crazy weird veggies, when all you ever wanted was a rose garden.

This all sounds pretty dumb, right?

I mean, every one knows that daisies aren't better than carrots. And carrots aren't better than daisies. But they're different. Daisies have a great purpose, and so do carrots. Trying to make my kids follow paths that aren't theirs is like trying to turn a rose into a rutabaga. Everyone is born with different purposes and talents. Getting annoyed by one of my kids for not being more into books is sort of like wishing an orchid into an orange. It's not gonna happen. And I shouldn't really be wishing it.

Was it Franz Joseph Haydn who was a terrible student? But his music! And John Nash (of Beautiful Mind fame) had a younger sister who had this to say about him:
"Johnny was always different. [My parents] knew he was different. And they knew he was bright. He always wanted to do things his way. Mother insisted I do things for him, that I include him in my friendships... but I wasn't too keen on showing off my somewhat odd brother." But he later received the Nobel Prize.

Having said all that, I still believe that there are some lessons and "fertilizers" that benefit all "plants". Love, discipline, kindness, honesty come to mind. Also, even a rose has to develop her intellect, even if it's obvious that her true talent is to give beauty to the world. You don't completely ignore mathematics, just because your child is gifted in language arts. Every good mother knows that even the best athletes should further their education as much as they can, even if they already make millions playing basketball.

I'm slowly learning to give up the control I felt entitled to when it comes to my kids. They've each come into the world with fantastic things to offer and weird/wonderful things that they're obsessed about. Even the rutabagas. It's my job to let them figure out what that is, make sure they don't ignore all the other disciplines, and then step aside. After all, I think that we can trust our kids to know what they love to do...and what they love to do is usually what they're great at!

Note: Comparing kids to different kinds of plants isn't my own idea. A long time ago a friend of mine told me about a paragraph she read in a book that compared kids to plants-some are flowers, and some are veggies. Unfortunately I never knew the name of the book or the author...but I've been thinking about the idea ever since. Sorry I don't have more info!

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

Jen, it's you! No, you didn't win a chicken dinner, but you can have your choice of two little gift boxes:

Choice #1: Home made lasagna, put together and ready to throw into your oven (or freezer, if you want to enjoy it at a later date), a jar of home made chicken noodle soup, home made wheat bread, and home made strawberry jam.

Or Choice #2: Two knitted dishcloths, a bottle of Mrs. Meyer's Cleaning Day Rhubarb all purpose cleanser concentrate, and an apron (probably not a home made apron, but cute none the less.)

Email me and we'll figure out a good time for me to drop whichever box of love you decide on! littlekristy2@juno.com or you can call me if you want...

I wish everyone could have won! I'm glad you guys were interested. I'm gonna do another one of these next month, 'cause it was so fun!

Kristy

Clarification on the Giveaway

I realize I was a little vague on the giveaway. It will be a random drawing of everyone who leaves a comment on the "Three Posts for the Price of One" post. The contest will close on Wednesday (May 13th) night at 10 pm Mountain Standard Time. The winner will be announced Thursday morning. Wow. That sounds really official. Good luck!

Three Posts for the Price of One...

A (hopefully) helpful post, a giveaway post, and a recipe post. It's your lucky day.

Post Numero Uno:
Wondering what in the world to do with your kids this summer? So am I. I've found myself wondering how in the world I ever homeschooled. When faced with thoughts that they will be home all day, every day in the summer, my palms started to sweat. And then I remembered; "Oh, that's right, I love my kids." Also, I'm planning to borrow heavily on my homeschooling experience to keep things lively. Also also, I'm planning more of my weekly group fun activities for moms and kids. Last year, these activities were sparsely attended, but a couple of my friends assure me that "for sure, really, we will come this summer." So I'm going to do them again this summer. More on that in an upcoming post.
I thought I'd share with you a couple of my plans for summer with my kids. Nothing too ambitious, just enough to keep things from getting stale. After all, even cherry popsicles and Slip n' Slides lose their flavor after so many.
So I've noticed that the entire subject of history is practically missing at school for my kids. I'm sure I've mentioned this before but The Story of the World by Susan Wise Bauer is priceless. There is a link to this book on the right of my blog. Visit it!!! I really cannot recommend it highly enough. For all you non-homeschoolers: Seriously. Buy this book and the activity book that goes with it. Each week, on Monday, say, take 5-10 minutes and read a section from the main book out loud to your kids. Before you say "My kids won't sit still and listen to me read some history book", they will. Trust me!! They will. After you read the section, copy off the map page in the activity book and have your kids do the mapwork (it tells you exactly how to do this in the activity book). They will also love the mapwork. Oh yes. They will. On Wednesday, pick a couple of the suggested children's literature titles from your local library and read them out loud to your kids. On Friday, or whenever you want to, pick one of the activities from the book and do it. It will probably take an hour. Sometimes it's an art type thing, other times it's like an experiment, always, it's fun-and goes along with whatever the history subject is. Feel free to pick and choose the chapters you and your kids want to learn about. Play it fast and loose and apply no pressure. If your kids are like thousands across the U.S. they will be begging to do this stuff after the first one. And? They will have learned some history and geography along the way.

Keep their math skill fresh by playing any one of a number of math games on the market.

Pick a science subject and read about it and do experiments about it once every couple of weeks or so. This summer, we're doing plants. We're using the Usborne book on plants. It has experiments already in the book. These are easy, mom friendly experiments that are still cool enough to capture the imagination of your kids.

Keep your kids reading by letting them pick out books from the library. Ask them to tell you what the story is about.

My kids love to sell lemonade or Kool-aid. Suggest this activity to your kids and see what happens. Make sure you have a card table, a non-breakable pitcher, Kool-aid, and some plastic cups on hand before you say that!

Take some field trips! Oh wait. Don't. Come with us on some field trips!

Post number two:
I'm having a giveaway. If you've never won anything, don't worry, you will. I get so few commentors that you're bound to win! Just leave a comment and consider yourself entered. Whoever wins gets a home made parcel of domestic bliss! You will adore it, I promise.

Post three: A recipe that'll do double duty

I know it's not soup season. But I'm cooking this tonight and couldn't resist sharing the recipe, for it is oh-so-good. Make it the first night as soup. Serve it with whole wheat bread and salad and YUM! The second night...take your leftover bit of soup, then grab some frozen cheese ravioli from your grocer's freezer, unite them and let them make sweet love in your oven for 20-30 minutes or so at 350...add a little mozzarella or parmesan, and oh, honey!

Creamy Tomato Bisque from Martha Stewart...tweaked a little by me

2 Tbsp. Butter -----melt in soup pot.
1 medium onion sliced or chopped
3 cloves of garlic minced or pressed with your garlic press----add these last two ingredients to the butter and cook until transparent.
3 28 oz. cans whole tomatoes
5 1/4 c. chicken broth
Oregano, basil, rosemary to taste.
Sugar to taste (about a teaspoon, maybe?).----Add these last ingredients, squish up the tomatoes with a potato masher or something, and simmer for 45 min to an hour.
Now blend the whole mess in your blender, filling the blender no more than half full (ask me how I know this). You'll have to work in batches. You may think you're done now because it looks so good! But now, add about a cup of heavy cream just to push the whole thing up over the top. Love!

Unmeasurable, Uncompensated

On Wednesday, James and I were being driven to our refinancing by the mortgage guy. We were making conversation, and he mentioned that his wife would probably be getting a big promotion. "That's cool." We said. Then he mentioned the amount of money she'd be getting. My eyes almost popped out of my head. Think big. I figured that she must be getting paid a lot already, to be in the running for such a promotion. Of course, this started me thinking. What would it be like if I brought in that kind of money? Imagine the feeling of pride she must have contributing to the family like that! And their retirement! Their kid's college and weddings, missions...all that stuff...her hard work would make possible. I was impressed. I still am.

I started feeling inadequate. I know. Only a woman would do this...but I started feeling like I was such a drain on the family finances! I mean, I bring in nothing! James makes it, I spend it. Little that we do, as mothers, can be measured. Even at the end of our career when we (hopefully) have good people to show for all our efforts, I imagine we won't even be sure if anything we did even made a difference, or if the kid would have turned out fine under any circumstance. We just can never know. And then the fact that nothing I do can bring in money, or even be measured, started to get under my skin. 'Cause I work hard!

Then I remembered something that James's grandpa Nelson told me once, when I was over at my mother in law's house years ago, folding laundry and complaining with my sister-in-law that it felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything in my life. Grandpa Nelson told us not to worry about it. "You two moms accomplish more just sitting in a chair doing nothing than I'll accomplish in a whole lifetime...because you're moms!"

What he said has come back to my memory many times, and I'm glad it did this time. How do you pay for your child's favorite home cooked meal on a hard day? How can you measure the security and comfort it gives your kids when you cuddle them for a story, or listen with sympathy, or do that one funny thing that can always get them to laugh, that no one else can do? How can you count the value of a fantastic relationship with your grown children? You can't. When Kate catches sight of me out of the corner of her eye and comes crawling as fast as she can toward me with her tongue hanging out, breathing heavy...I know I'm the most important person in the world. I'll just have to wait a little longer for my salary.

My Entrancing Twenty Five...or Six

You know on blogs...how sometimes the blogger will have a "My 100" list? Well, I'm so uninteresting (or so unself-aware) that I could only come up with 25. Here they are.

1. When I hear music I choreograph dances to it in my head.
2. Child stars irritate me.
3. I'm a procrastinator.
4. I'm not a good story teller, however;
5. I'm good at reading out loud.
6. Out of my siblings, "One of these kids is not like the others." And it's me.
7. I'm kind of a restaurant snob.
8. I've never had a cavity.
9. I really really really love hot water.
10. I love breastfeeding...and the boobs that go with it! :0
11. I almost got kidnapped once.
12. The sound of the wind makes me feel hopeless.
13. I'm not funny.
14. I hate confrontation and (almost) always avoid it, except with my husband!
15. I daydream about performing in front of thousands.
16. I'm very old-fashioned, however;
17. I have a definite Rock N Roll side and I think Mick Jagger is totally sexy. (Does that count as two?)
18. I ignore expiration dates on food with reckless abandon.
19. I'm completely offended by commercials for tampons, personal lubricant, douches, and pills for E.D.
20. I've been thrown in jail!
21. I was a terrible student in jr. high and high school, however;
22. I pulled it together and was on the Dean's or President's list every semester in college.
23. Rainy weather makes me happy.
24. I love the smell of baby spit up.
25. I'm good at trivia and dumb at every thing else.

Aren't you just SO glad you read all that?

Are You Angry?

Have you ever been angry at your body? The last three months or so, I've been angry at mine. I was angry at it every time the button on my jeans was tight. I was angry whenever the scale stayed defiantly at the same place. I was angry when I looked at myself in a photo. I was angry at my body when I flipped through Shape magazine. I was angry when I thought about swimsuit season. And then I started thinking; "Maybe my body feels sad that I'm mad at it. Maybe I should appreciate it more. " So I did. I started thinking about all of the things that it does for me. It breathes. It patches up cuts when I'm careless with sharp objects. It makes music. It lets me take care of four babies. It fights various microscopic enemies that I know nothing about. It lets me know when something is wrong.

It helps create life.

So I've decided to look at and treat my body with kindness. When I hang out with my friends, I don't focus on all the things that they lack...I appreciate all the wonderful things that they are! My body is my friend. It does so much for me. I'll appreciate more of the good things about it. When a friend is hurting, I try to give her the support that she needs, not sabotage her with thoughts or words that hurt her worse! In the same way, I'll give my body the things (good nutritious food, exercise) that it needs to serve me better. Do I wish I looked like a Shape model? Sure. But I've decided to focus more on good health so that I can be a strength to my family, and instead, admire and savor the miracle that is my body. Maybe if you've been feeling angry at your body, you could try it too.

The Protectors

There is a story in our family that my dad tells of when he was almost drafted into the Vietnam war. My mom was very pregnant with my brother. The draft letter told him to report for a final physical at the bus (or train?) station before leaving for training. He and my mom made it to the station, prepared to say goodbye. He left my mom for a minute and went into a makeshift exam room. The doctor looked him over, and noticed a scar on my dad's shoulder. He asked my dad about it, and my dad said it was from a dislocated shoulder, the result of an old football injury. The doc was quiet for a while, and then he said, "I could probably go ahead and clear you for active duty. You've told me that it doesn't hurt too much. But son, you've flunked your physical. Now get the hell out of here, and don't come back." My dad took my mom's hand and they ran.

I write a lot about motherhood on this blog. Because I am a mother, and mothers are mostly the ones who visit. It's not Father's Day, but I'd like to dedicate this post to fathers anyway. To my own father, whose eyes lit up when one of us came into the room, who told me how gorgeous I was, who laid out Valentine's gifts on our bed (girly things, like pretty white gloves, and bubble bath), who protected me from my own brattiness as a teenager, who came between me and an angry neighbor, when I wrote my name all over her wet cement, who sadly cleaned up the beer cans that were scattered on our lawn by an angry ex-boyfriend, and never told me about it, and who guessed all of our secrets, and kept them. He's the dad by which all other dads should be measured. I hope you all feel the same about yours. Take a minute, now, if you are reading, and appreciate all of the sacrifice of your own father.

To the dad of my kids, my own dear James, I thank him for being my protector. I thank him for standing watchfully in the shadows, trying his best to delay a stressful church calling that was looming, because he knew I wasn't physically strong enough yet. I thank him for being the only friend I could turn to, when my feelings were hurt, and for knowing my secrets, and keeping them. I thank him for stepping between me and an angry, crazy landlady, and absorbing the anger himself. I thank him for protecting me from my own children, when they threaten to drink the last of the water that is in my emotional and literal cup, for hearing the buzzer that goes off in my head when I've had enough for the night, and taking over. Accepting protection doesn't mean that you couldn't protect yourself, if you had to, it just means you don't have to. Take a minute, now, if you are reading, and appreciate the protection of the fathers of your children.

I thank the protector of my soul. The One who came between me and justice. Take a minute now, if you are reading this, and appreciate the love of your God, and your Lord.

For our protectors, whether we think we need them or not, let us be grateful, and rejoice that they were created to do what they do.

Thanks

Thank you so much everybody for your responses, opinions, and advice. Summer, thank you for your thoughts about homeschooling and your support and tips for things to try. Thank you Kassie for your encouragement! Jen, your friendship has been a treasure. Thank you for reminding me to listen to my own inspiration. Julie! I had no idea you were here! Thank you so much for commenting and for reminding me that I can influence my children for good, regardless of what I decide. My goodness, I miss you too. Mandy. Thank you for being an inspiration of faith and endurance. And for expressing your belief in my ability to do what's best. Thank you also for putting me in touch with your friend, Jenn. What a source of wisdom she turned out to be. Emily. I love you. Asking me what the Lord said is not trite or condescending, it was wisdom, and love, and I felt that love! Thank you also, so much, for reminding me that there is no such thing as perfection in education (or anywhere else). I really really needed that. Kristiana, thank you so much for understanding the "I can't take this anymore- feeling." Thank you for sharing your struggles with me too, and reminding me that motherhood is just hard, no matter what. Your life and blog have been and continue to be an inspiration to me. Wendy, thanks for being able to compare the homeschool lifestyle with the public school one and telling me what you've found to be the pro's and con's for you and your kids. Your kids are great! Lindsay. I love you and love that I can always count on you to "get down to brass tacks" and tell me how it really is. I appreciate your honesty, and am grateful for it. I'm grateful for your offers of help. Thanks also for your example of keeping a wonderful, orderly home.
We've decided to put the kids in public school. Friday afternoon, I went into the office (James works from home a lot of the time) and asked James for his final opinion. I already knew in my heart what my decision was, though I didn't want to do it. He told me he had been feeling like they needed to go to school. I went immediately to the local elementary school to register them, but no one was at the office. I decided to wander around and get a feel for things. I ran into the two third grade teachers and started talking to them. I knew right away by the feeling of peace that I felt that my kids' education, and my values would be safe there. I left with a feeling of calm and peace and weightlessness that I haven't felt for a long time. My fellow homeschoolers: know that I tried everything that you said! We took breaks, we changed up the routine, we tried to do more of the fun stuff, just stick to the basics...nothing brought us peace or joy as a family. We've been floating along unhappily for far too long. I already feel a million times lighter. It was such a burden to feel undecided and unresolved. We told the kids, and I could see immediately a change, a relief is the best way to describe it. We picked out backpacks...they're thrilled. We know that this is the right decision for our family. We knew when we started to homeschool, that at the time that was also the right decision. I do think there is a reason that we felt the need to homeschool. It may have something to do with the boundary school where we used to live? We just moved in October, so the kids will be attending a different school from the old boundary public school in our old neighborhood. The reason may not be apparent, but I know there was one. Thanks again everyone for your advice and love!
Kristy

Help

The Marathon Dorando Pietri Finishes First But is Disqualified Because He was Helped at the Finish.

Well here we go. The post we've all been waiting for. I'm in need of advice and help. I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to throw in the homeschooling towel. I have so many conflicting thoughts and emotions swirling around in my brain, it's hard to know how to organize them and let you know what it is that I'm really thinking. This year (from last January until now) has been the most difficult for homeschooling, without question. Why has it been so difficult? Hmmm. I don't know, I just know that life isn't working as well as it used to. We are doing the bare minimum in school and we're not even enjoying that. I have to argue with Keller to get schoolwork done every day. The fighting drives me crazy. Housework is not getting done. At all. I don't even have time to eat as evidenced by the fact that I've started a new diet (not really a diet) and you're supposed to eat three meals and two snacks a day. I can barely manage to eat lunch. I'm running from the moment I wake until the moment I sleep and accomplishing nothing. What I want to know is this:
If I quit homeschooling, and put Keller and Ella in public school, will my life get better? Or will it still be as chaotic and out of control? I appeal to EVERYONE who is reading this blog, whether you've commented before or not, whether I know you or not. Whether you homeschool or not. Will I suddenly have large amounts of time in which to iron for crying out loud, or to exercise, or hang pictures on my dang walls, for the love of all that is Holy? Will my children be happier? They need more playtime with friends and as a homeschooling mom, that's one more thing that it's on you to provide, because it's not automatically provided by sending them off to school, and I haven't been providing it in the amount that they need BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO EAT, LET ALONE HAUL FOUR KIDS TO A HOMESCHOOL EVENT. But. And I cannot overstate this. I don't want to quit, just to find that it is no better on the other side!!! Please! If you are reading this, weigh in with your words!!!
I've just come to a place where I'm not sure it's in me to keep going, as much as I would love to. For those of you who know my kids: Does it seem that homeschooling is serving my kids? I'm not looking for compliments, I'm looking for the truth. Do they seem better off for having been homeschooled, worse off, or neither? I started off on the homeschooling path so committed to the idea of a traditional, classical education for my kids. The kind that doesn't exist anymore unless you homeschool. I'd be kissing that goodbye for my kids. That makes me sadder than you can imagine. But sanity is sanity. And a happy home is worth more than a classical education.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not yelling my lungs out every day or anything...it's just that there is an absence of joy that used to be there for all of us. We used to love learning together, and now I've come to resent having to to it at all. Why?
Will life be as crazy or even crazier if I send them to school? What with homework after school and all...will I ever even SEE my kids anymore? I don't want to send them to public school and then just have us all live out our separate lives, disconnected and uninterested in each other. I'm so divided, and I just can't live like this any longer. I either need a miracle in our homeschool lives, or I need to feel fantastic about sending them to public school. Please, PLEASE comment and give me some help.

Cookie Time

Anyone interested in some Girl Scout Cookies? Ella is selling them for her Daisy Girl Scout troop. They are $3.50 a box. They have a yummy new flavor this year Dulce de Leche, as well as the old favorites (Thin Mints, Samoas, Do-Si-Do's). If you're in, send me an email at littlekristy2@juno.com with your name, address, phone number, what kind of cookies, and how many of each kind. They will be delivered around the first week in March, which is when we would pick up the money also. Here is a description of all the types of cookies (sorry this is such a boring post, I promise I'll do an interesting one soon):

Lemon Chalet Cremes: The height of lemon flavor. Uniquely designed to feature Our Chalet, this delicious vanilla sandwich has a hint of cinnamon-ginger spice and a refreshing zesty lemon creme filling.

Trefoils: Light and delicious! Delicate-tasting shortbread that is simple and satisfying.

Do-Si-Dos: Peanutty Excitement! Crisp and crunchy oatmeal cookies with creamy peanut butter filling. No artificial color or flavor.

Samoas: Chewy and rich! Tender vanilla cookies, covered with caramel, rolled in toasted coconut, and striped with a rich, chocolaty coating.

Dulce de Leche: Inspired by the classic confections of Latin America, these sweet, indulgent cookies are rich with milk caramel chips and stripes.

Sugar Free Chocolate Chip: All of the taste, none of the sugar. A classic favorite with real chocolate chips-now sugar free.

Tagalongs: Wildly popular! Tasty cookies topped with creamy peanut butter and covered with a luscious chocolaty coating.

Thin Mints: Extra thin, extra minty! A thin wafer covered with a smooth chocolaty coating. Made with natural peppermint.

All cookies 0 Trans Fat. They make great gifts and freeze well...
Sorry for the shameless cookie promotion post...

Wow. Another Movie?

Any fans of British period romance dramas out there? If you loved Pride and Prejudice produced by the BBC with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle, you will want to marry North and South. It's almost blasphemy, but I liked this better than Pride and Prejudice! Girls. Listen to my words. Rent this movie now! And unlike the last movie I recommended, I'll be darned if your husband doesn't get drawn into the story as well.
This movie is based on a book by Elizabeth Gaskell. I've never read the book or any of Gaskell's other works, but I'm going to fix that and fast. Going beyond romance, this movie explores the class/social system in a northern England cotton mill town, and the good people who can be found on both sides of a difficult and delicate labor dispute. As well done as the labor/management conflict story is, it is still the most romantic movie I have ever seen. Perfect for curling up on the couch with your hot beverage of choice and getting lost in another time and place. If you haven't seen it, you are in for a treat. Please SOMEBODY! Rent and watch this movie so I can talk about it with someone!

Things We Can Control

I suppose trouble has been a constant companion of the world since Eve gave birth to Cain and Abel. As I've studied ancient and medieval history along with the kids, I've certainly learned that struggle, and strife, wars, diseases, and famines go along with every civilization that ever was. I look around me, and I see that it is certainly the case with our place in time. The state of the continent of Africa in the last 15 years alone could provide enough hardship, trouble, warfare, famine, sickness, and poverty to fill volumes. The state of our own country's economic entity has everyone worried. And thanks to the media, every thing that ever existed that would cause fear is broadcasted in detail, from the number of dust mites (or whatever they are) that feed on your eyelash junk, to the state of the nations water supply, to the deadly gene you are undoubtedly carrying and you don't even know it.

Aren't you glad there are some things we can control? Here are two that I'm grateful for:

Our own homes. Ikea proclaims: "Home is the most important place in the world." I couldn't agree more. Home is the place. You control the music. You control what kind of food is prepared and served. You control the temperature. You control the emotional climate. You say when the t.v. is on and what kind of programming is being watched. You are the decorator. You establish the level of cleanliness. You decide what comes in, and what goes out.


Our tempers and reactions to others. Determining our own answer to someone else's behavior is a blessing. And I'm glad that I have the choice. Anger that is out of control is at best unproductive, and at worst, damaging to ourselves and others. Choosing to become offended, also, is fruitless and can damage relationships. We should, if we can, choose to let people say what they need to say, and if they have some problem with us (or our kids!), well, it's their problem. That they can deal with. And we can peacefully move on with our lives. I'm pretty hard to offend. Really, you have to be trying to hurt my feelings. However, say something that is the opposite of complimentary about my kids, even if it was meant well, and you will risk bringing out the mother-monster. And I'm sure you're all familiar with her. It's something that I've actively had to work towards; letting things roll off my back that involve my children. But it's the same principle as ignoring those who have a problem with me. (It's just so much harder!) (For me.).

As the drama and toil of the world tumbles and heaves and threatens to make us feel debilitated against the tide of fear, we can take comfort in our own power. The power to create a haven and to rule and reign a home for ourselves and those we love, and the power to rise above the trivial (and even the not so trivial) irritations and clashes of human relationships. And I thank God for these gifts.

About the Artwork

William Bougeureau (1825 – 1905) created a lush fantasy realm filled with idealized mythological figures, angels, women and children. His masterful command of human form, delicate colors and enchanted light brought the souls and spirits of his subjects to life with captivating realism. A tireless worker, he created 800 life-size works whose unique style and subjects drew an enthusiastic following of students and imitators. A member of the French Academy, he singlehandedly opened it to women.

Open Heart Surgery

I'm an introvert. I have moods when I'm extroverted, but my default social self is contemplative and quiet. It takes me a good while until I feel close enough to a neighbor to just pop over and hang out without planning all out first. It takes time for me to open up to other people. It's a slow pace, and a long spell until I feel like I fit in. So moving was hard. I've felt sad about leaving the wonderful people that it has taken me so long to get to know. In the course of goodbyes, our neighbor Melanie came over for a chat. She's great. She grew up on a ranch in Wyoming, loves to have my kids over for cookies and conversation, AND, she's married to a man from Egypt. I never knew that until we were saying goodbye! Ibrahim grew up on the Nile River! The Nile River was one of my kids favorite things that we've ever studied and we were living right next door to a man who grew up in the ebb and flow of that mighty river. He remembers it before they built the dam that stopped the yearly flooding. What an opportunity lost! If I hadn't taken so long to open my heart to the people around me, we could have pumped Ibrahim for pictures, stories, and descriptions of the Nile. We could have invited him over to help us build a model of it.
I have this fear that I'm bugging people if I (or my kids) go over to other people's houses without calling first. I'm afraid of interrupting people and their daily business. I never want people to be sitting there thinking "Boy, I wish they would go home so I could finish (fill in the blank)." Also, I'm rarely the inviter, I'm mostly the invitee. I wait for people to call me to do something, instead of putting something together and inviting others. This is not because I don't want to spend time with people, it's because in the back of my mind, this little voice is ALWAYS saying things like; "maybe they don't want to be friends with you...better hang back and let them invite you, that way, you'll know that they want to hang out with you, and they're not just being nice."
But, I've decided to try to open my heart earlier in the game in this neighborhood. To try to seek out friendship, and not just let it tumble into my lap, like a wished for but unearned shooting star.
Friendships are such a gift in life. What are we all here for, if not to support each other through rough patches in our roads, to make each other laugh when we need it, and to rejoice with each other when human victories grace our lives? Life truly is too short to stand back, and hope that someone will notice us and want to be our friend. So, I'm performing my own surgery. It will probably be uncomfortable, but the reward of a richer life is the promise. I must try to BE a better friend, and then, my heart will be open, and I will be blessed.

...no really, one last thing tonight...

Does anyone out there know how long it takes eyelashes to grow back, or (gulp!) if they do at all? I am mourning the loss of mine from a very quick but hot explosion that left no lasting effects except robbing me of my precious eyelashes. The hair on my arms has grown back (oh joy) and my eyebrows are okay, but my lashes are struggling. Is there something I can do to make them grow back?

...just one more thing...

I really love the internet. I've been dorking around online, and have found, to my relief, that I have not felt one emotion or frustration, that mothers everywhere in the world and throughout time have not already felt before. What a sisterhood!

Halloween Complaints

Complaint #1:

I'm longing for a good old fashioned Halloween. One where children actually walk door to door and go good old fashioned trick or treating(GOFTOT). Not walking from car trunk to car trunk in a very small parking lot. Goodness. Are we so lazy that we can't get out in the neighborhood and meet our neighbors? Is walking around the block really that big of a deal? Is it unsafe somehow to go GOFTOT, even if you are RIGHT THERE with your kids and there is no possibility of them getting snatched? This is just one more reason why we as a nation are raising a generation of coddled pantywaists. Who invented these things anyway? Heaven forbid our darlings get any exercise in the form of trolling the 'hood for treats. And don't EVEN get me started on trick or treating at the mall. That is just wrong in so many ways.

Complaint # 2:

Why, when you go to the Halloween store to buy a costume for yourself, are all the women costumes slutty? Wait, wait, don't tell me. Because a man designed them?

Disclaimer:
We attended a trunk or treat last night and had a blast. Of course, there were games, and lots of hanging out getting to know each other beforehand AND, it didn't replace GOFTOT.

Just A Cute Scene I Saw

So I've seen this particular cute thing happen several times now. On Saturdays, we're usually busy going to Keller's football games. (Yes fellow Alta Hawks, that's a Brighton uni). This is Keller's first year playing as it is for most of the other boys he plays with. They are about 8 or 9 years old. They look adorable and tiny in their pads and uniforms. The referee for most of the games is this teenage kid who looks like he might be a high school football player? Not sure. But he's young. When the play starts and the ball is snapped, like most young sporties, all the players kind of just follow the ball around on the field. When the running back (or the kid who runs with the ball) finally gets tackled, they all dogpile on top of him and everyone winds up in a five foot stack of flailing arms and legs. The ref comes over and stars grabbing these little kids by their shoulder pads, picking them up in the air and setting them on their feet one by one, just like you would for a toddler who was learning to walk. I can't explain why it's so cute. And I'm not sure the cuteness is coming through in my words, but it just makes me smile every time. It makes them seem even smaller. Like little baby puppies or something.

Another moment of football cuteness: The smallest kid on our team (and I mean he's TEENY) ran and tackled the biggest kid on the other team while he was running for a touchdown last Saturday. I mean, he took that big kid DOWN! It was awesome and hilarious.

Stormy Days

Whenever I stop to think about it, I'm always astonished at the absolute necessity of good mothers. When you consider the responsibility of nourishing, clothing, teaching, and raising separate human beings to be excellent people, aren't you amazed too? Simply caring for their most basic needs is a formidable task. Add character training, discipline, teaching, and all other life skills into the mix and you begin to realize that it really is the career of careers.

Somewhere in the course of history we've decided that caring for children and tending to their needs is menial labor. That it's unimportant. We are wrong. In our society, juvenile depression and juvenile crime rates have risen for years now. These symptoms tell us we are wrong. The depression one makes me really sad. Depressed kids and teenagers can do weird things. They can do tragic things too sometimes. Should we keep thinking that child care is trivial? No. These symptoms tell us that it is vital to give our utmost energy to the tasks of motherhood. Rank those kids very high on your list of urgency. If we treat the job like it's unimportant, we'll get unimportant results.

I know where your mind is headed (some of you), because mine goes there too. Go ahead. Say it. "What about me?" I know, huh? I want to write. I want to craft, and make floral garlands for my windows. I want to knit. I want to sew and be creative in a thousand other ways. I want to do what I want to do. But. I made the decision to be a mom. So, there you go. I read a great line in "The Well Trained Mind". I can't quote it word for word because all my books are packed, but it's coming from a mom whose kids are grown and she's homeschooled them. "I came to realize that my kids were the most creative project I'd ever been involved in."

I'm not trying to tell moms that they can't have their own hobbies! By all means, take an hour or two a day for yourself and listen to your iPod full blast, or pound out your frustrations on some kind of instrument, read up on your favorite book, finish up a craft project that's been neglected and rejoice that it's finally done. Maybe just do these things while your kids are in bed for the night, or napping. I have more hobbies than I can keep up with. I'm just reminding us all how vital it is that we give of our time, attention, and concentration to these kids that we've decided to bring into the world. I'm going to risk offending someone, but I have to say it. It's selfish to bring kids into the world and then pursue your own interests or talents without moderation. You can be anything in the world that you want to be! But if you decide to be a mother, make a true and wholehearted commitment to it.

The best person to raise a child is that child's mother. Yes, there are grandmas, and daycares, nannies, babysitters, and friends that can step in now and then. But the best person is the mother.