As I've slowly pulled myself together after the birth of Kate, I've noticed the clouds lifting here at home. The first few months after Kate was born are a fog, and I now know that I was walking around the house in a sort of daze. I wasn't depressed, but I was overwhelmed, and as an overwhelmed mother, I went into a sort of auto-pilot mode. Did you ever see that Adam Sandler movie called Click, where he can fast forward certain parts of his life? To everyone else, he looks like he's there, he's responding to the conversations (sort of), but he isn't really there. Well, that has been me.Now that life has crept into my body and mind, I'm looking around me and noticing what has happened to my little family. The kids are fighting more. Keller hasn't been as nice to Ella as he usually is, and Ella is yelling at Mary just for being Mary. Mary is hitting everyone. The kitchen was always a mess, a consequence of my children constantly foraging for some sort of sustenance, like a pack of hungry wolves. Dinner has been hit and miss and you may remember what it's like around here when dinner doesn't get cooked!
The point I'm (slowly) getting at is this: As the mother goes, so goes the rest of the family. If the mom is in a bad mood, the rest of the family starts fighting, even dad yells more. In the book Good Wives by Louisa May Alcott (a sequel to Little Women), Marmee tells Beth one day when Beth is very discouraged with the cares of home and family "You are the sunshine maker of the home." I feel the awesome weight of how hard it is to have to carry on the emotional climate of our entire families, but I also know that it's important that we remember this and try to be happy and create happiness at home. It's really hard to be cheerful all the time. But lately I've tried remembering this; I'm GOING TO make mistakes. Luckily for me (all of us) Christ is there to atone for not only my big fat sins, but all my shortcomings, even my childish little bad moods, and the times that I don't do what I should just because I don't wanna. Somehow, KNOWING that I'm going to fall short makes me happier. Being perfect would be a big let down, because we would never know the joy and sweet relief of laying it all down at Christ's feet.
Let's remember that our families look to us for their emotional feeding, just as much as they look to us for food.
9 comments:
SO true. This dawned on me just last week. Mommy determines the mood of the WHOLE family. I realized, if I don't want a sassy child, I can't be sassy to him. If I want a cheerful happy husband, I need to be cheerful and happy myself. Thanks!
Such pressure! But so beautifully stated. It's been a long, hard, lazy week for me, and I have also noticed that my family is "off-track." After reading your post, I sat down with my calendar and planned out areas in which I am going to be productive next week. Ideally, I will feel better about myself which will trickle down to every family member. Hopefully, we will be a happier, healthier, more loving family next week. Thank you so much for the reminder.
Once again, another insightful and well-written post. I only wish it weren't so true! There are sometimes when I'm in a bad mood and everybody else is therefore in a bad mood, and I just keep wishing that they would cheer up so that I could get in a better mood, when all the time it is probably all my fault. Like you said, no pressure! Oh well, I guess I can make up for that by taking the credit when everything goes well and everybody has a great time, right? Oh, and welcome back--I remember that feeling of stepping out of that postpartum fog and waking up to the world around you. A couple of months does make a real difference in being able to adjust to the fourth kid.
I love that quote. Makes me need to read that book. I realized as a child that it was the mom who made the house "home". If she was unhappy or grumpy, then the house felt 'off'. I've tried to remember that and not be the downer in everyone's day.
Thanks for the reminder. I will sometimes find myself grumpy even though I know it makes everyone else grumpy too. Sometimes it's hard to be the one responsible for everyone else's moods.
Come visit my new blog. I had an issue with my password and google froze my account as a precaution. Now I can't get back into my blog so I moved it here:
www.wenderful.com
Wow thanks for an excellent post! What a great reminder for all of the moms in the world. I have been a better mom in the past and currently trying to reshape and do a better job. Everyone suffers when things aren't going well for me. Thanks for the honesty, this was a great motivator.
Wow, that is so true Kristi! I love that! I need to be more of a sunshine around my house...thanks!
Thanks for the thought. I needed to read that today. Thanks for the sweet note. Your the best!
It has surprised me.
Post a Comment